Huge Words, by Huge People

German Shepherds for Huge Words

2012-02-19T20:41:00.000-08:00

Huge Words 3.2.2

2012-02-16T07:59:00.001-08:00

"Some people make it happen, some watch it happen, and some say, "What happened?" I respond with, "Don't look at me, man. I've been sitting here the whole time minding my own business, contemplating that frog on the lily over there. Hey man, you got a light?"

~ Me, and Anonymous

Huge Words 3.2.1

2012-02-05T09:41:00.001-08:00

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality -- to change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete . . . okay, I'm going to need some bones, a bit of skin, some modeling clay and a spark of life. Think of all the money I'll save on couples therapy sessions."

~ Me, and Buckminster Fuller

Huge Words, Huge Video #3 ~ Me, and Theodore Roosevelt ~

2012-01-18T22:33:00.000-08:00

Huge Words 3.1.3

2012-01-15T16:38:00.000-08:00

"Do not wait for your ship to come in -- swim out to it. Especially if you see Mario, your gardener, sitting in the captain's chair. With your wife sitting shotgun, arm around his broad, bronze shoulders. Don't forget the dynamite."

~ Me, and Anonymous

Huge Words 2.8.1

2011-05-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

"It is surmounting difficulties that makes heroes. Like the other day at the deli. . . The lady was like, "Make sure you put extra mayonnaise on that turkey and slice it nice and thick. I like it nice and thick." “Nice and thick?” I remarked. “That’s right,” she answered, “nice and thick.” Without batting an eyelash I grabbed the butcher knife, lobbed off a slab about a foot wide, leapt over the deli counter to surmount the difficulty and wrapped my legs around her neck like I’m a kid on my pop’s shoulders at the county fair, right. Then, as I held the slab high above my head, ready to pound down on top of her skull, I turned to my wide-eyed co-workers behind the counter and asked, “Hey fellas, how does she like it?!” They looked to one another, and then raised their fists high in the air. “Nice and thick!!” they chanted, “Nice and thick!!” Then I brought the hammer down and gave that lady a turkey necklace. Nice and thick. Next."

~ Me, and Ljos Kossuth

Huge Words 2.7.1

2011-05-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

""Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. I! AM! GOING! TO! HIT! THE! TOP! LEVEL! OF! WORLD! OF! WARCRAFT! TODAY!"

~ Me, and Ralph Waldo Emerson

Huge Words 2.6.1

2011-05-01T12:40:00.000-07:00

"The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf. Now, listen to me Lefty. I know I’m in pretty deep with you and Mr. Booker, but if you can extend my line of credit this one last time I just know that Captain Runaway is gonna pull through to win tomorrow in the 7th at 40 to 1. Look, I even have some collateral here for you to hold onto in the meantime. My grandfather left it to me - it's The Deed to the Universe."

~ Me, and Shakti Gawain

Huge Words 2.5.2

2011-04-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

""No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Hmmm . . . that's strange, I don't recall signing any consent forms."

~ Me, and Eleanor Roosevelt

Huge Words 2.5.1

2011-04-05T16:31:00.000-07:00

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. Life is also unlike riding a bicycle, in that to keep the bloodhounds off your trail, you must always remember to walk upstream for at least a mile before crossing to the other side. So when you first escape, think about riding a bicycle, and later, when you reach the riverbed, think about something else, something that is not riding a bicyle, like playing darts, for instance, and act accordingly, as if you didn't have a bicycle (which you won't). Easy, right? Oh yeah, and e=mc2."

~ Me, and Albert Einstein

Huge Words Promo Video #1

2011-04-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Huge Words 2.4.2

2011-03-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. Well, except for your DNA trail -- were you just at the Fry & Grill again, gettin' you some okra and biscuits? Oh, and your digital fingerprints . . . All over those Justin Bieber fan sites."

~ Me, and Ralph Waldo Emerson

Huge Words 2.4.1

2011-03-27T09:39:00.001-07:00

"The very thing that gives you life you need to add in larger increments. Hmm, in that case I think I'd better look up my old pal from Geneva. Now where's that address book . . . here we go . . . D, E, F . . . ahh, there we are, Dr. Frankenstein."

~Me, and Anonymous

2.3.1

2011-03-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

"The true traveler is he who goes on foot, and even then, he sits down a lot of the time. So go forward then, onward, traveler, into forever, and carry with you always a chair, for to sit upon very often, and carry with you constantly a foot, upon which to go, and last but not least, have in your backpack all the time a roll of toilet paper, for with to wipe your bum, as a travelling dingleberry will always grow swiftly, like a snowball rolling downhill."

~ Me, and Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

2.2.2

2011-03-11T04:45:00.000-08:00

"If you hear a voice within you say, "you cannot paint", then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. Oh, but first you have to cut off your ear. And then turn that side of your head towards the voice. What?"

~ Me, and Vincent Van Gogh

2.2.1

2011-03-07T04:22:00.000-08:00

"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. That settles it. I don't care how much my family keeps trying to talk me out of it. I'm joining Amway."

~ Me, and Samuel Jackson

2.1.2

2011-03-03T04:51:00.000-08:00

"No one remembers how you got there, only that you got there. Except for my junior prom. When I rolled in with my date on three good cylinders, white smoke billowing out from underneath the hood, backfiring like it was July 4th, they remembered how I got there. In fact, they were still talking about it the following year at my senior prom. As they pointed at me and laughed. Just like they always do."

~ Me, and Jason Calacanis

2.1.1

2011-02-28T20:02:00.000-08:00

"If you don't like the way the world is, you change it. You have an obligation to change it. You just do it one step at a time. Step 1: Get rid of all the idiots. Step 2: Close your eyes and wish real hard, like you are wishing for a pony. Step 3: Pass your remaining days rocking on the front porch, saying such things as, 'Remember when all those idiots were here, doing all those idiotic things, before The Big Wish and The Great Change?'"

~ Me, and Marian Wright Eldelman

1.15.1

2010-12-21T06:48:00.000-08:00

"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him."

~ Me, and Robert Benchley, a.k.a. "The Monkey"

1.14.1

2010-12-13T02:20:00.000-08:00

"What is left when honor is lost? Well, I still have my cat. Good kitty."

~ Me, and Publilius Syrus

1.13.1

2010-12-08T09:55:00.001-08:00

"Let each day be your grand masterpiece -- a Pollock-esque canvas of freefloating fears and failures, splattered melancholy and loneliness, and bouncy trampolines."

~ Me, and Anonymous

1.12.3

2010-12-03T04:38:00.000-08:00

"Your treasure house is within; it contains all you'll ever need. Some people house it within their closet, other people keep it under their bed. Still others have a secret compartment under the floorboards where they keep it, together with some other things. What do all of these people have in common? They don't want anybody to see what is in their treasure house."

~ Me, and Anonymous

1.12.2

2010-12-01T04:32:00.000-08:00

"Outstanding leaders appeal to the hearts of their followers, not their minds. For instance, they will say such things as, "Do what I say, or I will tear your heart out," as opposed to something like, "Do what I say, or I will make you do your times tables.

~ Me, and Anonymous

1.12.1

2010-11-29T08:29:00.000-08:00

"If you only look at what is, you might never attain what might be. In other words, just because I am a human, does not mean that I will never see my lifelong dream come true: that of becoming a Martian."

~ Me, and Anonymous

1.11.2

2010-11-17T04:43:00.000-08:00

"A hobby a day keeps the doldrums away. 'Scuze me a sec . . . yeah, Bud, you got any of the chronic supernova today? Sweetness."

~ Me, and Phyllis Mcginley

1.11.1

2010-11-15T04:37:00.001-08:00

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. And it was not the money in my wallet you stole, but my entire inheritance."

~ Me, and Judy Garland

1.10.2

2010-11-12T05:24:00.000-08:00

"To love a person is to learn the song that is within their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten . . . sit back, my love, whilst I serenade you with your favorite lullaby . . . Generals gathered in their masses, just like witches at black masses . . . Evil minds that plot destruction, sorcerer's of death's construction . . . in the fields the bodies burning, as the war machine keeps turning . . . death and hatred to mankind, poisoning their brainwashed minds . . . oh yeah!"

~ Me, and Anonymous, and Ozzy

1.10.1

2010-11-10T04:56:00.000-08:00

"Read, every day, something no one else is reading ... think, every day, something no one else is thinking ... do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do ... for it is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity. I think we can all come to our usual agreement on that."

~ Me, and Christopher Morley

1.9.2

2010-11-05T06:43:00.001-07:00

"Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. This is why I wholeheartedly believe in temperance and moderation. Believe me, I implore you, I would tell you no lies, this is coming from my heart, I am the emodiment of honesty and you can trust me, I am a good person and you can put your faith in me; all you need to do is to believe in me and I will not let you down. Now get out of my way, I need to make a beeline to the basement to do a three-minute keg stand before the hookers arrive with the cocaine and ecstasy."

~ Me, and Alfred Adler

1.9.1

2010-11-01T04:16:00.000-07:00

"A man content to go to heaven alone will never go to heaven. Say your prayers punk, you're coming with me."

~ Me, and an Boethius

1.8.3

2010-10-29T04:00:00.000-07:00

"I once had a sparrow alight upon my shoulder for a moment while I was hoeing in a village garden, and I felt that I was more distinguished by that circumstance than I should have been by any epaulet I could have worn. Later that day, when I was in front of the judge, I plead 'no contest' to the charges of hoeing in the garden and enticing a sparrow to alight upon my shoulder to act as an epaulet. Hoeing in the garden, okay, you got me. But that sparrow thing, I mean, come on, seriously Dude, that thing just came out of nowhere. And anyway, like, WTF, who made that law?"

~ Me, and Henry David Thoreau

1.8.2

2010-10-27T04:28:00.000-07:00

Closing in on 300 likes on Facebook . . . tell all your friends . . . because "False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil. While Huge Words, on the other hand, are heavenly, and infect the soul with juicy goodness." ~ Me, and Plato

Like Huge Words today and get them before the small, sucky, and unimportant people do.

~ Me, and Plato

1.8.1

2010-10-25T04:20:00.000-07:00

"I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward. 36-5-22. It's okay, each wrong combination brings me closer -- one day I will crack the code, get into the bank vault, leave this stupid-ass graveyard shift cleaning job and ride off into the sunset with a knapsack full of Benjamins. Momma didn't raise no dummy."

~ Me, and Thomas Edison

1.7.3

2010-10-22T04:31:00.000-07:00

"It is not enough to aim -- you must hit. Now cue up another spitball Billy and I want you to really concentrate this time; I want you to hit Miss Frownuponus square in the forehead. And make it a big, juicy spitball, so it splatters all over her."

~ Me, and an Italian Proverb

1.7.2

2010-10-20T04:26:00.000-07:00

"If you don't accept responsibility for your own actions, then you are forever chained to a position of defense. I would take responsibility for my own actions, if not for all the freaking people who make me act this way."

~ Me, and Holly Lisle

1.7.1

2010-10-18T04:24:00.000-07:00

"An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously. Call me Thomas Edison. Son of Eli Whitney. Sibling to the Wright Brothers. Now Cousin Jessie, on the other hand, he passed on to the ninth grade. So we won't be issuing him any patents."

~ Me, and Charles F. Kettering

1.6.3

2010-10-15T05:28:00.000-07:00

"If we fall, we don't need self-recrimination or blame or anger - we need a reawakening of our intention and a willingness to recommit, to be whole-hearted once again. Sometimes, if we happen to 'fall' in the right place, a good personal injury lawyer will also come in handy. I've been scoping out Grandma's Country Diner down on South Walnut Street and they always mop around three o'clock. Now, where did I leave those flip-flops?"

~ Me, and Sharon Salzberg

1.6.2

2010-10-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he doesn't apologize, kick his ass. Then tweet about it."

~ Me, and Matthew (18:15)

1.6.1

2010-10-11T04:29:00.000-07:00

"I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. I need a friend with a lot of money and a bad memory so that each day, when I ask for $10 to buy the twelve pack and some chaw, he will experience no déjà vu. That's French for, 'Didn't I loan you 10 bucks yesterday?'"

~ Me, and Plutarch.

1.5.3

2010-10-08T04:24:00.000-07:00

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. As I look around my efficiency apartment through the prism of my crystal meth-induced haze, I see that I have nothing more to take away to the pawn shop. Perfection? Who would have thunk it."

~ Me, and Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.

1.5.2

2010-10-06T04:21:00.000-07:00

"The gods too are fond of a joke. Freakin' gods -- FML."

~ Me, and Aristotle.

1.5.1

2010-10-04T04:20:00.000-07:00

"Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. Like those teenagers who kicked me in the head and then yelled, 'GET A JOB!," and "P.S. YOUR FACE IS DIRTY!" when I was panhandling for the crack money this morning. I need to Facebook them."

~ Me. And a Sicilian proverb.

1.4.3

2010-10-01T04:22:00.000-07:00

"We must be the change we want to see. Wonder twin powers, Activate! Form of: Three Thousand Pounds of Gold Bullion. Shape of: Johnny Depp."

~ Me. And Gandhi

1.4.2

2010-09-29T04:25:00.000-07:00

"Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness. For instance, this human being could bake me some pies. Apple is always nice. Likewise, this human being could give me two thousand dollars. I'm not greedy. Alternatively, my car really needs a good scrubbing. Any of these opportunities would qualify.

~ Me. And Anonymous

1.4.1

2010-09-27T04:38:00.000-07:00

"To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it the more fit for its prime function of looking forward. Wow, right on, Dude, thanks for the tip! Too bad I'm not an owl.

~ Me. And Margaret Fairless Barber

1.3.3

2010-09-24T04:28:00.001-07:00

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. Yes, Junior, it is even more important than pizza. Yes, and the remote control."

~ Me. And Thomas Jefferson

1.3.2

2010-09-22T05:15:00.000-07:00

"Each day provides its own gifts. Today, for instance, I received an eviction notice and a kidney stone. Tomorrow should be even more awesome. It's like my birthday, everday."

~ Me. And Anonymous

1.3.1

2010-09-20T04:18:00.000-07:00

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Last night I dreamt of Megan Fox. The Future: Bring It."

~ Me. And Eleanor Roosevelt

1.2.3

2010-09-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. Especially when we have just eaten a couple of chili cheese corn dogs at the hoedown."

~ Me. And Ralph Waldo Emerson

1.2.2

2010-09-16T04:31:00.000-07:00

"There's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young dream. But there is something twice so sweet: divorce."

~ Me, and Thomas Moore

1.2.1

2010-09-14T04:19:00.000-07:00

"If there is to be any peace it will come through being, not having. Being a millionaire, not having a stupid job."

~ Me, and Henry Miller

1.1.3

2010-09-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

“Some men change their party for the sake of their principles; others change their principles for the sake of their party. Me? I'm going where the women are wearing togas.”

~ Me. And Winston Churchill

1.1.2

2010-09-09T07:20:00.000-07:00

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want. This is why smugglers tend to do very well.”

~ Me. And Zig Zigler

1.1.1

2010-09-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

“Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom. People who land on large trampolines, therefore, are generally more successful than those who land on large piles of bricks. So go get a trampoline, and then hire a pygmy to follow you around, holding the trampoline behind you, in case you fall.”

~ Me. And George S. Patton